How men and woman change oil. Funny

piranha · Post by **piranha** » Wed Nov 21, 2007 1:18 am

WOMEN:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent:
$20.00 Oil Change
$1.00 Coffee
----------------
$21.00 Total

MEN:

1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left breast.
32. Clean up. Apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car.
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail. Get car from impound yard.

Total Time Spent ???
Money Spent:
$50 parts
$12 beer
$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!
$1000 Bail
$200 Impound and towing fee
---------------------------
$1337 Total

JackScott · Post by **JackScott** » Wed Nov 21, 2007 2:14 am

I want to know where you get that $20 oil change... I live with a mechanic and it's not that cheap!

Combuster · Post by **Combuster** » Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:26 am

MEN:

1) pull up to your dad's house
2) open the back door
3) drag out the can of motor oil
4) locate the oil reservoir
5) open it
6) fill it
7) close it

lock the car
9) put the oil back in the garage
10) wash your hands
11) pretend nothing has happened

total:
$0

piranha · Post by **piranha** » Wed Nov 21, 2007 12:11 pm

Well, my dad has me change the oil and he has since I was 12. Then he gives me in depth driving instruction in a parking lot near my house until the cops show up.

-JL

Alboin · Post by **Alboin** » Wed Nov 21, 2007 2:44 pm

PROGRAMMER:

1) ... A car uses oil? ... Extra virgin?

Zacariaz · Post by **Zacariaz** » Wed Nov 21, 2007 5:04 pm

Hmm...
"Car" and "Virgin" are words thats doesn't seem to fit each other.

JamesM · Post by **JamesM** » Thu Nov 22, 2007 2:50 am

What, because virgins can't drive cars?!

(Btw, he was referring to "extra virgin olive oil" in case you didn't get it

)