I code every day for various purposes, just none of it seems to give me any real satisfaction, none of it gives me that little fire in my belly (like, making an Asteroids clone on my old 486, when I was JUST starting to learn C did!).
Sure, I read Datasheet after Datasheet, heck, I never stop reading documentation. Just ... I don't know, it's odd.
Like, I have these ideas and think "Man, It'd be cool to make these!". But as soon as I sit down to actually do the coding on any of it, my motivation flies out the window and I just end up getting depressed.
My trademark pick-me-ups don't help (Contrary to popular belief, Caffiene doesn't fix all!)So really... All that's happening at the moment is that... everything I have learned in the past two years, is simply consolidating in my subconscious, nothing is forgotten - just expanded.
I can look at things that used to completely blow me away and laugh, because all of it seems so simple now.
Although, this is mostly because of the effort and time that a great many members of these boards (well, Megatokyo) spent on helping me.
Yes, Im rambling and yes, I realize that in all reality this post will be ignored, but that's fine.
Just, if I can give any advice to anyone : Don't get all worked up on creating something completely perfect in every way. Being a perfectionist is good when it simply gives you a sense of pride in your work, but don't EVER let it become the meaning of your life.
There's just something twisted in staying inside for 5 weeks straight, simply trying to find a way to shave 6 bits off a structure. It's pointless, frustrating. Insanity spawning.
That or maybe Im simply getting normalized
I wakeup every morning now, like a normal person, rather than waking up every evening at 8pm. When I get home at 4pm, I am tired, I want to relax and have some kind of gratification, reward for completing my day.
I used to spend all of my time alone and programming, where as now I tend to spend all of my time simply alone, smoking cigarettes. That, or wandering around alone, smoking cigarettes.
*shrug* Right now I am completely nuking my 4GiB Pendrive. Why? Because last semester, I learned all about Partition Tables and suchlike. So, I feel like writing a crazy MBR thing. That, or a Burst cipher or something.
The problem of course, is that while I could make them in a decent timespan, none of them would be perfect, none of them would be good or clever. Therefore, their creation is completely pointless, irrelevant.
Like painting a picture that is never seen.
Well, I'll stop now. I don't want to completely emo-fy your day.
Perhap I will go and skull some more coffee, sit back and smoke a few cigarettes and just... code for the hell of it.~Zeii
. i like meeting girls, meeting my friends, sometimes i like to have a party, sometimes i like to drink a little bit. i like reading, about psychology, about something interresting, sometimes i just like to lay down on my bed and listen to the music with a lot of loud. "Computers sucks after a long period with them" this line should be my sign 
